There are so many of us out there; custodial parents who have to beg and/or coerce the other-parent into being present. The other-parents who either "never wanted to be a parent in the first place" or who "never had a chance to experience life" (whatever their reasons) that don't show up. They go for long periods of time without calling or visiting.
I think the biggest thing we wrestle with is how much do we give? How often do we stop what we are doing because something peaked the interest of the other-parent and they suddenly want to come around this weekend? How many times do we cancel plans and make arrangements only for the other-parent to cancel on our child last minute?
I think, like it or not, it is our job to be the selfless one. It's hard not to feel like a doormat. I sometimes want to shout, "It's not right! It's not fair!!!"
It's also difficult to set boundaries pragmatically. Odds are, if you are raising a child by yourself, things didn't end well with their other-parent. You can "bright-side" and "for the sake of the kids" all you want to. You had a relationship and now you don't. There are emotions involved and shoving them down deep isn't so helpful, but neither is constantly keeping them on the surface.
More than anything else in this life, I want my children to be confident. It seems nothing throws their self-worth off balance harder than their other-parent showing lukewarm interest or breaking promises. How do we allow our children to have expectations for the other-parent while also shielding them from some of the damage?
I don't have the answers (sorry), but I think, as long as I don't allow the fact that I'm going it alone make me bitter, I can achieve the end I desire most. If my sons can see me being patient but firm without the drama that we will all be okay...one day at a time.
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