The Holidays

Being alone on the holidays is as challenging as anything else, but I dug in and tried to make the best of things. Last year, I was able to skip out with my children and spend the time in the home of our friends. This year I chose to celebrate in my own home with just my boys.

I did have to work early Christmas Morning, but I was able to bring them with me for those few hours. My teen will never admit it, but he was glad to be close to me. I could tell because he didn't complain, roll his eyes, or heft big deep dramatic sighs at any time that morning.

We came home and opened a few presents together. I enjoyed opening them one at a time..slowly. Rather than the melee of the past when we've always just opened them all at once. As soon as my teen felt he sufficiently hit gold (new phone) he took off for a friend's house. Which left me and the toddler for the rest of the afternoon together.

The toddler was having his best day ever. He had mom all to himself and what, to him, seemed like a lot of candy. Being two, he never knew so many presents could be just for him! Each one was a surprise. We spent the rest of the day watching movies and playing with our new toys.

I did find our day to be greatly satisfying, even if a little lonely. We celebrated stability this holiday. A home of our own with presents that we could afford. I have made my way out of financial distress. I'm still paying off some medical debt and the car loan, but am otherwise financially free. This was my gift to myself for the end of 2017 and it came with a lot of hard work and self control. My greatest achievement to date.

I spent the day reflecting on what traditions I want to start going forward with my boys. My teen won't have many holidays at home before he's off doing man stuff on his own. We didn't overdo the presents, which was definitely noteworthy in considering next year's purchases. Being an atheist, we didn't delve into any overly religious practices. But I hope I did facilitate the holiday spirit of wonder and joy for the boys.

Notes to myself for next year:

The toddler will be three (a preschooler!!!). Celebrate lights; go for a drive! Take hot cocoa! And just enjoy the lights! He was aware of them this year and called them "pretties", next year will be even more amazing. Also, put up lights outside together!

Help him "give" gifts next year! I would like to see him give more gifts than he receives. I would like to bake for the neighbors, I used to deliver cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. Maybe we can do that together next year. He should see generosity of spirit exemplified.

Keep it simple. Don't overdo it. This year was quiet and lovely.