This is my mom-tool #1. If you are a person who has to go grocery shopping weekly or semi weekly, then pick-lists are for you.
I prefer Kroger (ClickList) as my grocery store. I love my gas points and the prices are usually the best for my purchases. But many major chains now offer this feature.
I'm living in my 10-mile triangle (work, stores, schools all within 10 miles of home). I place my order for pick up at lunch time and don't have to hustle in the evening or miss out on part of my weekend to provide food for my family.
Sometimes they have to substitute, but Kroger has (so far) been generous when they can't fulfill an item in my order.
Tuesday, October 30, 2018
Wednesday, May 16, 2018
New Life - Again
I'm starting to feel like all life is only a series of starts and stops. That the "new beginnings" or the "starting overs" will never end.
I've carried some routines and plans with me. I still work out a several times a week, but the class schedule at the new gym isn't as easy to adopt to my work schedule. I'm working out at home more often but don't feel like I'm maximizing the time like I otherwise do in group classes.
I have achieved a 10-mile radius (work, home, childcare, and the gym) to keep time wasted in commuting to almost zero. This is so important to me. I don't have much time to do the things I want to do, and I certainly don't want that time scrapped because a chunk of my day is spent in the car.
After some trial and error, our mornings are smooth again. I feel like I have to stay one step ahead of myself to accomplish everything in such a small time. Packing our bags (for the gym and a mostly potty trained toddler) the night before is a pain but makes all the difference in a successful morning.
Dinnertime is still a challenge, will it ever be easy? I am so tired by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is cook. Even careful planning doesn't help. We've blown the budget and eaten take-out more often than we should. I have to get better at this.
I have been able to carve out more time for myself in the evenings. I pop on a tv show and watch one episode of something while I get dinner going (even if I'm just serving up take-out on plates). By the time that episode is over, we move on to bath/bedtime routines. Since the little one is older and now has his own room, I've found an hour at the end of each day to read before I turn in for the night. It has been bliss.
Life is comfortable. We are doing just fine.
I've carried some routines and plans with me. I still work out a several times a week, but the class schedule at the new gym isn't as easy to adopt to my work schedule. I'm working out at home more often but don't feel like I'm maximizing the time like I otherwise do in group classes.
I have achieved a 10-mile radius (work, home, childcare, and the gym) to keep time wasted in commuting to almost zero. This is so important to me. I don't have much time to do the things I want to do, and I certainly don't want that time scrapped because a chunk of my day is spent in the car.
After some trial and error, our mornings are smooth again. I feel like I have to stay one step ahead of myself to accomplish everything in such a small time. Packing our bags (for the gym and a mostly potty trained toddler) the night before is a pain but makes all the difference in a successful morning.
Dinnertime is still a challenge, will it ever be easy? I am so tired by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is cook. Even careful planning doesn't help. We've blown the budget and eaten take-out more often than we should. I have to get better at this.
I have been able to carve out more time for myself in the evenings. I pop on a tv show and watch one episode of something while I get dinner going (even if I'm just serving up take-out on plates). By the time that episode is over, we move on to bath/bedtime routines. Since the little one is older and now has his own room, I've found an hour at the end of each day to read before I turn in for the night. It has been bliss.
Life is comfortable. We are doing just fine.
Determination
I have made my move. We have relocated to another state and I am continuing to make all of the improvements and changes as before.
First though, let me tell you about that move. It was organized chaos. The only free-time I had to pack was at night between dinner, bedtime stories, and goodnight kisses. I thought I was sufficiently packed before my helpers showed up to load the truck. Wrong. I missed so many things that we ended up throwing in baskets and then onto the truck haphazardly.
Loading the car onto the pull-behind trailer was the most frightening thing I've ever done. I just knew I was going to drive it right off the edge. I drew on all of my previous scout leader experience and backed the truck to the hitch and connected it all by myself.
We spent the last night in our old home sleeping on blankets on the floor.
The morning of our big day I loaded us up (toddler in the middle) in the truck and we were on our way. Keeping the toddler entertained wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. He also didn't sleep, like I thought he might. The teen slept the whole way. Thanks for that, dude.
The 5 hour drive to our new home took over 8 hours...we had to drive slower and our route took us down Georgia country highways rather than the major interstate.
That is 8 hours of toddler conversations.
"We're in a big truck, Mommy. Is this your big truck?" - no, this isn't my truck. Repeat 5 times.
"See the cows, Mommy! There's a lot of cows." -I see the cows. Yes, there are many cows. Repeat 5 times and then again at every field of cows x 5.
At least the drive was scenic...unfortunately though, there were no Starbucks or even reputably clean bathrooms once we left civilization to take the back roads.
We finally arrived at the leasing office for our new apartment only to find the agent did not make it in to meet me (on Saturday) as promised. In hindsight, I feel bad for the lady who was there. My lease was not prepared and finding that I was facing taking the three of us to a hotel for the weekend, I might have unleashed all of the stress and anxiety I was feeling over the whole trip on that poor soul. She still looks at me nervously when I walk in the office to pay my rent. Like I might come unhinged again.
She turned it around for us. I got my keys and we unloaded the truck.
I did have help with the heavy lifting from friends. I moved myself, two children, and all of our furniture two states away. It was not easy; I made that happen and I feel like a real grown up. I can do anything now.
First though, let me tell you about that move. It was organized chaos. The only free-time I had to pack was at night between dinner, bedtime stories, and goodnight kisses. I thought I was sufficiently packed before my helpers showed up to load the truck. Wrong. I missed so many things that we ended up throwing in baskets and then onto the truck haphazardly.
Loading the car onto the pull-behind trailer was the most frightening thing I've ever done. I just knew I was going to drive it right off the edge. I drew on all of my previous scout leader experience and backed the truck to the hitch and connected it all by myself.
We spent the last night in our old home sleeping on blankets on the floor.
The morning of our big day I loaded us up (toddler in the middle) in the truck and we were on our way. Keeping the toddler entertained wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. He also didn't sleep, like I thought he might. The teen slept the whole way. Thanks for that, dude.
The 5 hour drive to our new home took over 8 hours...we had to drive slower and our route took us down Georgia country highways rather than the major interstate.
That is 8 hours of toddler conversations.
"We're in a big truck, Mommy. Is this your big truck?" - no, this isn't my truck. Repeat 5 times.
"See the cows, Mommy! There's a lot of cows." -I see the cows. Yes, there are many cows. Repeat 5 times and then again at every field of cows x 5.
At least the drive was scenic...unfortunately though, there were no Starbucks or even reputably clean bathrooms once we left civilization to take the back roads.
We finally arrived at the leasing office for our new apartment only to find the agent did not make it in to meet me (on Saturday) as promised. In hindsight, I feel bad for the lady who was there. My lease was not prepared and finding that I was facing taking the three of us to a hotel for the weekend, I might have unleashed all of the stress and anxiety I was feeling over the whole trip on that poor soul. She still looks at me nervously when I walk in the office to pay my rent. Like I might come unhinged again.
She turned it around for us. I got my keys and we unloaded the truck.
I did have help with the heavy lifting from friends. I moved myself, two children, and all of our furniture two states away. It was not easy; I made that happen and I feel like a real grown up. I can do anything now.
Tuesday, January 9, 2018
Unrest and Out of My Control
I have accepted the position offered to me in another state. The next few weeks I'll be preparing to move. There are circumstances surrounding this move that feel very unstable to me.
In part, my feelings of overwhelming unease are because of the young ones who depend on me to provide their most basic needs. Also, these circumstances are beyond my control. I can't change them from tipping in one direction or another.
The best I can do is have a back-up plan. To prepare for the worst. A friend of mine would argue that I am a fatalist...and maybe I am. I have seen the shoe drop. I know what it's like to be hungry and not have a home for my children...
At this point in my life, I realize that change is going to happen. I was never going to stay where I am permanently. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision and paying dearly for it. I have chosen to roll the dice and play the game. I'm hoping I can trust the people I am counting on. The end result could mean a big step up for us overall. I am just as excited as I am terrified.
In part, my feelings of overwhelming unease are because of the young ones who depend on me to provide their most basic needs. Also, these circumstances are beyond my control. I can't change them from tipping in one direction or another.
The best I can do is have a back-up plan. To prepare for the worst. A friend of mine would argue that I am a fatalist...and maybe I am. I have seen the shoe drop. I know what it's like to be hungry and not have a home for my children...
At this point in my life, I realize that change is going to happen. I was never going to stay where I am permanently. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision and paying dearly for it. I have chosen to roll the dice and play the game. I'm hoping I can trust the people I am counting on. The end result could mean a big step up for us overall. I am just as excited as I am terrified.
Monday, January 1, 2018
New Year Possiblitlities
I don't set "New Year Resolutions." I do have goals though, and there is something about hanging a brand new (completely empty) calendar that inspires a moment of reflection.
What will I fill this calendar with? I'll start with birthdays that I want to remember (staff and coworkers mostly). I'll add in special days for my boys. We will join a water park again this year, I'm looking forward to a summer of outdoor adventures together. We'll do great things for their birthdays, (we have a sweet 16th coming up!)
I've come to a fork in the road with my career. Will I relocate, again? Or maybe return to school this year? I need to decide very soon...
What needs to happen to position myself better financially for my boys this year? I'll continue working on being debt free; whittling down my bills each month. I'd like to increase my savings and have been very self controlled in my expenses.
I've been working very hard towards fitness goals, I will definitely keep my calendar full of group classes and weight lifting. I'm so close to reaching my ideal size/form...will I get there by summer?
I think more importantly, as I look at this blank calendar and think of all the possibilities, I am charged with the thought that I have to DO THINGS! It's not enough to write them down on these pages. When I get to the end of this year, I will have had to press forward even when it wasn't easy.
I'm scared to death but so excited I can hardly stand it. I don't imagine I'll get through the year without some kind of setback or loss, I'm a realist. But I do believe this year is going to be amazing for me. I feel uncharacteristically optimistic. I am tapping into some great achievements for myself and I can't wait to see where they lead.
What will I fill this calendar with? I'll start with birthdays that I want to remember (staff and coworkers mostly). I'll add in special days for my boys. We will join a water park again this year, I'm looking forward to a summer of outdoor adventures together. We'll do great things for their birthdays, (we have a sweet 16th coming up!)
I've come to a fork in the road with my career. Will I relocate, again? Or maybe return to school this year? I need to decide very soon...
What needs to happen to position myself better financially for my boys this year? I'll continue working on being debt free; whittling down my bills each month. I'd like to increase my savings and have been very self controlled in my expenses.
I've been working very hard towards fitness goals, I will definitely keep my calendar full of group classes and weight lifting. I'm so close to reaching my ideal size/form...will I get there by summer?
I think more importantly, as I look at this blank calendar and think of all the possibilities, I am charged with the thought that I have to DO THINGS! It's not enough to write them down on these pages. When I get to the end of this year, I will have had to press forward even when it wasn't easy.
I'm scared to death but so excited I can hardly stand it. I don't imagine I'll get through the year without some kind of setback or loss, I'm a realist. But I do believe this year is going to be amazing for me. I feel uncharacteristically optimistic. I am tapping into some great achievements for myself and I can't wait to see where they lead.
Wednesday, December 27, 2017
The Holidays
Being alone on the holidays is as challenging as anything else, but I dug in and tried to make the best of things. Last year, I was able to skip out with my children and spend the time in the home of our friends. This year I chose to celebrate in my own home with just my boys.
I did have to work early Christmas Morning, but I was able to bring them with me for those few hours. My teen will never admit it, but he was glad to be close to me. I could tell because he didn't complain, roll his eyes, or heft big deep dramatic sighs at any time that morning.
We came home and opened a few presents together. I enjoyed opening them one at a time..slowly. Rather than the melee of the past when we've always just opened them all at once. As soon as my teen felt he sufficiently hit gold (new phone) he took off for a friend's house. Which left me and the toddler for the rest of the afternoon together.
The toddler was having his best day ever. He had mom all to himself and what, to him, seemed like a lot of candy. Being two, he never knew so many presents could be just for him! Each one was a surprise. We spent the rest of the day watching movies and playing with our new toys.
I did find our day to be greatly satisfying, even if a little lonely. We celebrated stability this holiday. A home of our own with presents that we could afford. I have made my way out of financial distress. I'm still paying off some medical debt and the car loan, but am otherwise financially free. This was my gift to myself for the end of 2017 and it came with a lot of hard work and self control. My greatest achievement to date.
I spent the day reflecting on what traditions I want to start going forward with my boys. My teen won't have many holidays at home before he's off doing man stuff on his own. We didn't overdo the presents, which was definitely noteworthy in considering next year's purchases. Being an atheist, we didn't delve into any overly religious practices. But I hope I did facilitate the holiday spirit of wonder and joy for the boys.
Notes to myself for next year:
The toddler will be three (a preschooler!!!). Celebrate lights; go for a drive! Take hot cocoa! And just enjoy the lights! He was aware of them this year and called them "pretties", next year will be even more amazing. Also, put up lights outside together!
Help him "give" gifts next year! I would like to see him give more gifts than he receives. I would like to bake for the neighbors, I used to deliver cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. Maybe we can do that together next year. He should see generosity of spirit exemplified.
Keep it simple. Don't overdo it. This year was quiet and lovely.
I did have to work early Christmas Morning, but I was able to bring them with me for those few hours. My teen will never admit it, but he was glad to be close to me. I could tell because he didn't complain, roll his eyes, or heft big deep dramatic sighs at any time that morning.
We came home and opened a few presents together. I enjoyed opening them one at a time..slowly. Rather than the melee of the past when we've always just opened them all at once. As soon as my teen felt he sufficiently hit gold (new phone) he took off for a friend's house. Which left me and the toddler for the rest of the afternoon together.
The toddler was having his best day ever. He had mom all to himself and what, to him, seemed like a lot of candy. Being two, he never knew so many presents could be just for him! Each one was a surprise. We spent the rest of the day watching movies and playing with our new toys.
I did find our day to be greatly satisfying, even if a little lonely. We celebrated stability this holiday. A home of our own with presents that we could afford. I have made my way out of financial distress. I'm still paying off some medical debt and the car loan, but am otherwise financially free. This was my gift to myself for the end of 2017 and it came with a lot of hard work and self control. My greatest achievement to date.
I spent the day reflecting on what traditions I want to start going forward with my boys. My teen won't have many holidays at home before he's off doing man stuff on his own. We didn't overdo the presents, which was definitely noteworthy in considering next year's purchases. Being an atheist, we didn't delve into any overly religious practices. But I hope I did facilitate the holiday spirit of wonder and joy for the boys.
Notes to myself for next year:
The toddler will be three (a preschooler!!!). Celebrate lights; go for a drive! Take hot cocoa! And just enjoy the lights! He was aware of them this year and called them "pretties", next year will be even more amazing. Also, put up lights outside together!
Help him "give" gifts next year! I would like to see him give more gifts than he receives. I would like to bake for the neighbors, I used to deliver cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. Maybe we can do that together next year. He should see generosity of spirit exemplified.
Keep it simple. Don't overdo it. This year was quiet and lovely.
Tuesday, November 21, 2017
Reluctant Fathers and Where to Fit Them
I have been seriously wrestling with this one. There is so much information out there on the benefits of co-parenting and even parallel parenting. I'd give nearly anything to successfully establish either scenario for the sake of my children. None of it works when you have a reluctant other-parent.
There are so many of us out there; custodial parents who have to beg and/or coerce the other-parent into being present. The other-parents who either "never wanted to be a parent in the first place" or who "never had a chance to experience life" (whatever their reasons) that don't show up. They go for long periods of time without calling or visiting.
I think the biggest thing we wrestle with is how much do we give? How often do we stop what we are doing because something peaked the interest of the other-parent and they suddenly want to come around this weekend? How many times do we cancel plans and make arrangements only for the other-parent to cancel on our child last minute?
I think, like it or not, it is our job to be the selfless one. It's hard not to feel like a doormat. I sometimes want to shout, "It's not right! It's not fair!!!"
It's also difficult to set boundaries pragmatically. Odds are, if you are raising a child by yourself, things didn't end well with their other-parent. You can "bright-side" and "for the sake of the kids" all you want to. You had a relationship and now you don't. There are emotions involved and shoving them down deep isn't so helpful, but neither is constantly keeping them on the surface.
More than anything else in this life, I want my children to be confident. It seems nothing throws their self-worth off balance harder than their other-parent showing lukewarm interest or breaking promises. How do we allow our children to have expectations for the other-parent while also shielding them from some of the damage?
I don't have the answers (sorry), but I think, as long as I don't allow the fact that I'm going it alone make me bitter, I can achieve the end I desire most. If my sons can see me being patient but firm without the drama that we will all be okay...one day at a time.
There are so many of us out there; custodial parents who have to beg and/or coerce the other-parent into being present. The other-parents who either "never wanted to be a parent in the first place" or who "never had a chance to experience life" (whatever their reasons) that don't show up. They go for long periods of time without calling or visiting.
I think the biggest thing we wrestle with is how much do we give? How often do we stop what we are doing because something peaked the interest of the other-parent and they suddenly want to come around this weekend? How many times do we cancel plans and make arrangements only for the other-parent to cancel on our child last minute?
I think, like it or not, it is our job to be the selfless one. It's hard not to feel like a doormat. I sometimes want to shout, "It's not right! It's not fair!!!"
It's also difficult to set boundaries pragmatically. Odds are, if you are raising a child by yourself, things didn't end well with their other-parent. You can "bright-side" and "for the sake of the kids" all you want to. You had a relationship and now you don't. There are emotions involved and shoving them down deep isn't so helpful, but neither is constantly keeping them on the surface.
More than anything else in this life, I want my children to be confident. It seems nothing throws their self-worth off balance harder than their other-parent showing lukewarm interest or breaking promises. How do we allow our children to have expectations for the other-parent while also shielding them from some of the damage?
I don't have the answers (sorry), but I think, as long as I don't allow the fact that I'm going it alone make me bitter, I can achieve the end I desire most. If my sons can see me being patient but firm without the drama that we will all be okay...one day at a time.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)