Pick-Lists: Ordering Groceries Ahead

This is my mom-tool #1. If you are a person who has to go grocery shopping weekly or semi weekly, then pick-lists are for you.

I prefer Kroger (ClickList) as my grocery store. I love my gas points and the prices are usually the best for my purchases. But many major chains now offer this feature.

I'm living in my 10-mile triangle (work, stores, schools all within 10 miles of home). I place my order for pick up at lunch time and don't have to hustle in the evening or miss out on part of my weekend to provide food for my family.

Sometimes they have to substitute, but Kroger has (so far) been generous when they can't fulfill an item in my order.

New Life - Again

I'm starting to feel like all life is only a series of starts and stops. That the "new beginnings" or the "starting overs" will never end.

I've carried some routines and plans with me. I still work out a several times a week, but the class schedule at the new gym isn't as easy to adopt to my work schedule. I'm working out at home more often but don't feel like I'm maximizing the time like I otherwise do in group classes.

I have achieved a 10-mile radius (work, home, childcare, and the gym) to keep time wasted in commuting to almost zero. This is so important to me. I don't have much time to do the things I want to do, and I certainly don't want that time scrapped because a chunk of my day is spent in the car.

After some trial and error, our mornings are smooth again. I feel like I have to stay one step ahead of myself to accomplish everything in such a small time. Packing our bags (for the gym and a mostly potty trained toddler) the night before is a pain but makes all the difference in a successful morning.

Dinnertime is still a challenge, will it ever be easy? I am so tired by the end of the day, the last thing I want to do is cook. Even careful planning doesn't help. We've blown the budget and eaten take-out more often than we should. I have to get better at this.

I have been able to carve out more time for myself in the evenings. I pop on a tv show and watch one episode of something while I get dinner going (even if I'm just serving up take-out on plates). By the time that episode is over, we move on to bath/bedtime routines. Since the little one is older and now has his own room, I've found an hour at the end of each day to read before I turn in for the night. It has been bliss.

Life is comfortable. We are doing just fine.

Determination

I have made my move. We have relocated to another state and I am continuing to make all of the improvements and changes as before.

First though, let me tell you about that move. It was organized chaos. The only free-time I had to pack was at night between dinner, bedtime stories, and goodnight kisses. I thought I was sufficiently packed before my helpers showed up to load the truck. Wrong. I missed so many things that we ended up throwing in baskets and then onto the truck haphazardly.

Loading the car onto the pull-behind trailer was the most frightening thing I've ever done. I just knew I was going to drive it right off the edge. I drew on all of my previous scout leader experience and backed the truck to the hitch and connected it all by myself.

We spent the last night in our old home sleeping on blankets on the floor.

The morning of our big day I loaded us up (toddler in the middle) in the truck and we were on our way. Keeping the toddler entertained wasn't as hard as I thought it would be. He also didn't sleep, like I thought he might. The teen slept the whole way. Thanks for that, dude.

The 5 hour drive to our new home took over 8 hours...we had to drive slower and our route took us down Georgia country highways rather than the major interstate.

That is 8 hours of toddler conversations.

"We're in a big truck, Mommy. Is this your big truck?" - no, this isn't my truck. Repeat 5 times.

 "See the cows, Mommy! There's a lot of cows." -I see the cows. Yes, there are many cows. Repeat 5 times and then again at every field of cows x 5.

At least the drive was scenic...unfortunately though, there were no Starbucks or even reputably clean bathrooms once we left civilization to take the back roads.

We finally arrived at the leasing office for our  new apartment only to find the agent did not make it in to meet me (on Saturday) as promised. In hindsight, I feel bad for the lady who was there. My lease was not prepared and finding that I was facing taking the three of us to a hotel for the weekend, I might have unleashed all of the stress and anxiety I was feeling over the whole trip on that poor soul. She still looks at me nervously when I walk in the office to pay my rent. Like I might come unhinged again.

She turned it around for us. I got my keys and we unloaded the truck.

I did have help with the heavy lifting from friends. I moved myself, two children, and all of our furniture two states away. It was not easy; I made that happen and I feel like a real grown up. I can do anything now.

Unrest and Out of My Control

I have accepted the position offered to me in another state. The next few weeks I'll be preparing to move. There are circumstances surrounding this move that feel very unstable to me.

In part, my feelings of overwhelming unease are because of the young ones who depend on me to provide their most basic needs. Also, these circumstances are beyond my control. I can't change them from tipping in one direction or another.

The best I can do is have a back-up plan. To prepare for the worst. A friend of mine would argue that I am a fatalist...and maybe I am. I have seen the shoe drop. I know what it's like to be hungry and not have a home for my children...

At this point in my life, I realize that change is going to happen. I was never going to stay where I am permanently. I'm afraid of making the wrong decision and paying dearly for it. I have chosen to roll the dice and play the game. I'm hoping I can trust the people I am counting on. The end result could mean a big step up for us overall. I am just as excited as I am terrified.

New Year Possiblitlities

I don't set "New Year Resolutions." I do have goals though, and there is something about hanging a brand new (completely empty) calendar that inspires a moment of reflection.

What will I fill this calendar with? I'll start with birthdays that I want to remember (staff and coworkers mostly). I'll add in special days for my boys. We will join a water park again this year, I'm looking forward to a summer of outdoor adventures together. We'll do great things for their birthdays, (we have a sweet 16th coming up!)

I've come to a fork in the road with my career. Will I relocate, again? Or maybe return to school this year? I need to decide very soon...

What needs to happen to position myself better financially for my boys this year? I'll continue working on being debt free; whittling down my bills each month. I'd like to increase my savings and have been very self controlled in my expenses.

I've been working very hard towards fitness goals, I will definitely keep my calendar full of group classes and weight lifting. I'm so close to reaching my ideal size/form...will I get there by summer?

I think more importantly, as I look at this blank calendar and think of all the possibilities, I am charged with the thought that I have to DO THINGS! It's not enough to write them down on these pages. When I get to the end of this year, I will have had to press forward even when it wasn't easy.

I'm scared to death but so excited I can hardly stand it. I don't imagine I'll get through the year without some kind of setback or loss, I'm a realist. But I do believe this year is going to be amazing for me. I feel uncharacteristically optimistic. I am tapping into some great achievements for myself and I can't wait to see where they lead.

The Holidays

Being alone on the holidays is as challenging as anything else, but I dug in and tried to make the best of things. Last year, I was able to skip out with my children and spend the time in the home of our friends. This year I chose to celebrate in my own home with just my boys.

I did have to work early Christmas Morning, but I was able to bring them with me for those few hours. My teen will never admit it, but he was glad to be close to me. I could tell because he didn't complain, roll his eyes, or heft big deep dramatic sighs at any time that morning.

We came home and opened a few presents together. I enjoyed opening them one at a time..slowly. Rather than the melee of the past when we've always just opened them all at once. As soon as my teen felt he sufficiently hit gold (new phone) he took off for a friend's house. Which left me and the toddler for the rest of the afternoon together.

The toddler was having his best day ever. He had mom all to himself and what, to him, seemed like a lot of candy. Being two, he never knew so many presents could be just for him! Each one was a surprise. We spent the rest of the day watching movies and playing with our new toys.

I did find our day to be greatly satisfying, even if a little lonely. We celebrated stability this holiday. A home of our own with presents that we could afford. I have made my way out of financial distress. I'm still paying off some medical debt and the car loan, but am otherwise financially free. This was my gift to myself for the end of 2017 and it came with a lot of hard work and self control. My greatest achievement to date.

I spent the day reflecting on what traditions I want to start going forward with my boys. My teen won't have many holidays at home before he's off doing man stuff on his own. We didn't overdo the presents, which was definitely noteworthy in considering next year's purchases. Being an atheist, we didn't delve into any overly religious practices. But I hope I did facilitate the holiday spirit of wonder and joy for the boys.

Notes to myself for next year:

The toddler will be three (a preschooler!!!). Celebrate lights; go for a drive! Take hot cocoa! And just enjoy the lights! He was aware of them this year and called them "pretties", next year will be even more amazing. Also, put up lights outside together!

Help him "give" gifts next year! I would like to see him give more gifts than he receives. I would like to bake for the neighbors, I used to deliver cinnamon rolls on Christmas morning. Maybe we can do that together next year. He should see generosity of spirit exemplified.

Keep it simple. Don't overdo it. This year was quiet and lovely.

Reluctant Fathers and Where to Fit Them

I have been seriously wrestling with this one. There is so much information out there on the benefits of co-parenting and even parallel parenting. I'd give nearly anything to successfully establish either scenario for the sake of my children. None of it works when you have a reluctant other-parent.

There are so many of us out there; custodial parents who have to beg and/or coerce the other-parent into being present. The other-parents who either "never wanted to be a parent in the first place" or who "never had a chance to experience life" (whatever their reasons) that don't show up. They go for long periods of time without calling or visiting.

I think the biggest thing we wrestle with is how much do we give? How often do we stop what we are doing because something peaked the interest of the other-parent and they suddenly want to come around this weekend? How many times do we cancel plans and make arrangements only for the other-parent to cancel on our child last minute?

I think, like it or not, it is our job to be the selfless one. It's hard not to feel like a doormat. I sometimes want to shout, "It's not right! It's not fair!!!"

It's also difficult to set boundaries pragmatically. Odds are, if you are raising a child by yourself, things didn't end well with their other-parent. You can "bright-side" and "for the sake of the kids" all you want to. You had a relationship and now you don't. There are emotions involved and shoving them down deep isn't so helpful, but neither is constantly keeping them on the surface.

More than anything else in this life, I want my children to be confident. It seems nothing throws their self-worth off balance harder than their other-parent showing lukewarm interest or breaking promises. How do we allow our children to have expectations for the other-parent while also shielding them from some of the damage?

I don't have the answers (sorry), but I think, as long as I don't allow the fact that I'm going it alone make me bitter, I can achieve the end I desire most. If my sons can see me being patient but firm without the drama that we will all be okay...one day at a time.

My Circle - More on Centering

I took a job opportunity about a year and a half ago and moved. While I was choosing where I wanted to live (relative to my new job) I carefully considered my busy lifestyle. I could choose a place in the "big city" close to all of my favorite restaurants and stores or I could choose something closer to work. I also had to consider local schools.

I was very fortunate to find a home that I could not only afford, but was within 3 miles of work, good schools, and the daycare I had already chosen. 

At first it just seemed convenient and like it would save on time and gas, making it a good decision. I wasn't prepared for how it would alter the flow of my life. I didn't realize how much of my time was being spent on a morning/evening commute. 

To say that I've just cleared up a few minutes time, trivializes the impact this has had. When one of my children gets sick, I can get to them in no time at all. I can commit to school-things and invest myself where, in the past, this would have required a day off work. 

I've since added the gym (which I've mentioned) into my 3 mile triangle making it more of a circle. I'm only able to add in my fitness goals because I have freed myself from the job of making a commute to work. If I had to drive an additional 20-30 minutes to get home, we'd be getting on with our dinner/bedtime routine just that much later...making the toddler grumpy and cycling into chaos in the evening. 

We do have to drive further to get the non-everyday things we need like clothes or whole food items I can't get from the local grocer. The trade off is that this makes me more careful about my spending. "Is it worth driving to the other side of town to get?" We also usually make an adventure of it and save it for the weekends. 

Centering Myself

I've mentioned that I have removed as many trivial day to day decisions from my life as possible.

I don't think about when I can get to the gym or how long I'll be there. I follow the group fitness schedule that fits my lifestyle. I also almost never miss a class. I'm still working towards my fitness goals, but have eliminated the decision making needed to get it done (which alone I find exhausting). Group fitness also helps keep me going because I enjoy seeing the same people for each class.

I eat the same thing for breakfast every morning. This might feel boring for some, but I've found it so freeing! The 2-3 minutes it takes to decide what I'm going to eat (and take out everything I need to make it) only add to the stress of the other billion decisions I have to make each morning. I wish I had the same magic solution for lunch and dinner!

I've mentioned that my work wardrobe has been minimalized. I have 3 dresses, 3 slacks, and about 6 or 8 blouses all within the same color palette (shoes and accessories too). When I found that this helped make laundry day SO much easier, I did the same with workout and casual wear. I got rid of anything that I would only wear for particular moods (goodbye fat pants!!!). If it didn't flatter or match anything else in my closet, it was out of my life.

I guess I've taken a minimalistic approach to life in general. I'm centering myself to better handle everything else that overwhelms me. I don't find myself bored...in fact it's quite the opposite. I look forward to my mornings and evenings. They are soothing even in the chaos.

Mindfully Mom

With my older children I was an authoritarian "children are an empty vessel" type of parent and thought that it was my job to fill them with knowledge. I was easily aggravated by their childishness and didn't really take time to know them. I was too busy telling them to, "do as I say." I was also considerably younger and less patient overall.

I still work on patience through my toddlers tantrums. Most often, our time together is limited to a few hours in the evening when I'm trying to rush through dinner and transition us to bedtime. Making this time the most peaceful by removing as many decisions from the evening as possible helps. 

Dinner tends to be the most frustrating. If I haven't planned/prepped something quick, things fall apart fast. He gets hungry and cranky, his crying and yelling makes me cranky and full-on hysteria will ensue. I've tried Hello Fresh and it was fantastic! However, it was not financially sustainable for our family budget. I'm working on a plan to designate some prep time on the weekends to give myself a similar set up with meals prepped and ready to grab from the fridge. 

Once we get past dinnertime, things usually smooth out. We flow into clean-up, hygiene, and bedtime stories together. 

Routine seems to be key for both of us. We both are happier when we do the same thing at the same time everyday. Our morning ritual is easiest since neither of us is usually hungry or cranky. I have our wardrobe down to easily interchangeable basics. 

Staying organized to make the simple day to day decisions easy, opens me up to more fluid mindfulness of the other bigger more meaningful events of our day. I stop and connect with my toddler and see what is important to him in the moment instead of reacting to his demands and frustrations with my own.

Exercise!!!

I joined my local YMCA. I looked at other gym memberships and the Y offers more bang for my limited budget. Childcare, of course, became the biggest deal breaker for most of the local gyms.

I started with one class...cycle. I started going a few times a week. It was hard. I was not in good physical shape, keeping up with the instructor was a challenge. But I kept going and started improving. Then I started going regularly and hitting the bike intensely. I got to meet the other regulars and found that seeing the same group of people each time was immensely motivating. I've made "gym friends."I started trying some of the other classes like "PiYo" and Step Aerobics. 

I've found the motivation that it was in me this whole time. 

Now fitness is life. I have done a lot of irreversible damage to my body. Being a mom many times over, I am covered in stretch marks and some embarrassing bits of saggy skin. But overall, I look and feel much better than I have in too many years. I've embraced body positivity and will confidently wear a bikini in public.

The extended bonus of my YMCA membership is that I get to relax in a lounge chair every weekend of the summer while my toddler splashes around the sprinkler park and my teen plays basketball with friends. Our family's overall well being is amazingly healthy and well balanced. 

Sleep!!!

I keep a pretty rigid schedule. I've learned a lot about self discipline and how far I can push myself in the last year. I'm pleased with the changes I've made inside and out. I started with one small thing at a time. The first thing I took on was sleep.

I love the apple sleep analysis and "Bedtime" settings. If you aren't using them yet, you are missing out on a great tool.

Going to sleep and waking up at the same time everyday is powerful. Within a week I felt stronger and more alert during the day. I have more energy and people have stopped telling me I "look tired."I've been keeping this up for over a year now and don't know how I lived without it. I wake up just before my alarm and no longer feel groggy in the morning. My toddler and I have time to spend together as we get ready for our day now that mommy isn't stressed about getting out the door.

Hello Fresh

My first box arrived! Everything was well packaged and cold. I was worried about the summer heat, but the ice packs they provided were sufficient. I didn't get home until around 5pm. 

Everything is neatly organized. Each meal is in it's own brown bag. The recipe cards are gorgeous and the pictures set the bar high to make the meals look as described.

Eggplant and Sundried Tomato Linguine: The ingredients are so simple. No real measuring is required. I didn't have to come home and hunt everything I needed down from cabinets, drawers and the fridge, it's all there in one place. So easy!

The portions were generous and plated up to look almost exactly like the pictures.I'm feeling more than a little spoiled. This was so easy! No overly processed foods. Also no left overs or food waste (which is a major pet peeve).

 I may have added a little too much water to my sauce, but it was absolutely delicious! My teen said it tasted like a pizza dish which is a win from him too. 

Other meals:

Get Your Greens Rice Bowl: This recipe used asparagus, edamame, and bok choy (a new veggie for us which is another win for the service).

 Chunky Funky Veggie Burgers: I never new making black bean burgers was so easy!! I'll never buy pre-formed frozen patties again! Our teen ate the whole burger but passed his "fries" on to his baby brother who couldn't get enough of them. There was enough left over to form another burger which worked out perfectly for us!

The biggest win was that these dinner were ready and on the table within about 30 minutes of getting home from the gym, making our evening routine flawless each day. My teen son and I cooked and cleaned it all up together. Team work!

So far this is perfect for the mom who likes to cook, but just doesn't have time. I'm sold on subscribing. Now to just find the company that works best for our family. I'll stick with Hello Fresh for a month. Then I'll give a few others a try to see how they stack up.

Pros: customer service was excellent. I was never placed on hold. The agent was genuinely friendly and engaged in the call. The food arrived on time, it stayed cold, and everything held over in the fridge until I was ready to cook (no food waste). 

Cons: with the veggie plan I don't get any choices. I can skip a week if I don't like something, but I can't sub out a meal that won't work for our family (if there were allergies or strong preferences). 

Working and Writing

It's been a very long time since I've blogged. "The other shoe dropped" a year ago and I've been slowly putting back the pieces on my own; two boys in tow. It has probably been the hardest year of my life and I hope I never have to repeat so much struggle ever again.

I do still spend most of my time working, but I've eked out a routine of sorts and have been pressing on towards reaching personal goals. We get to play together as a family on the weekends again which has been the most important victory so far.

Financially I've worked out a budget and we are living comfortably. Not easy to do on one income but we have managed quite well so far. I'm working towards being completely debt free within a few years (including my car loan).

I often feel like I have so much to say and want to "blog it out" but find my mind blank when I finally get to sit down. 

Meal Delivery Services

I'm experimenting with meal delivery services. I love to cook good, healthy meals for my family. I don't have the spare time to invest in all of the planning and preparing. When I have time to go to the grocery store, I don't have the energy to also add the creativity needed to plan out a decent vegetarian menu. There's an art to putting it all together without letting the veggies expire in the fridge. We usually end up with take out, frozen dinners, or smoothies on most nights.

Food delivery services boast that they can deliver the experience of fresh gourmet meals with all of the planning done for you. They also offer around 50% off to give their service a try. So, I'm going to give it a try. I'll update you later.

Coffee Shop Mommy

For a few precious minutes on a Saturday morning, I get to slow down time just a little. One of my favorite things to do is take the baby to the coffee shop. He seems to love the noisy background and people watching. I get to enjoy a hot beverage and a book in relative peace. Also, coffee shop people aren't usually the type to be easily offended by public breastfeeding. Most coffee shops have conversation corners with large comfy chairs and the music is usually pleasant. I meet interesting people who are also looking to slow down just a few minutes of their time and enjoy a cuppa.

Today I am at a coffee shop near a hospital. I've been to this coffee shop a couple of times before in the mornings before work and have gotten acquainted with the young lady at the counter, she remembers that I ask for soy - no dairy, thank you.

 There are scrubs all around, young students studying medical books together, a couple who appear to be on a first date (Tinder?), and a gentleman who just asked if the seat across from me is taken. Of course it's not! I'm not sure what his gig is but he is now working away on his laptop. Everyone stops to dote on the adorable baby in my arms (because he is more than a little cute) and he is all smiles, loving the attention.

 People don't seem angry when their order is wrong or that they have to wait in the long line. Maybe it has to do with being with the kind of people who stop and visit the coffee shop. I feel relaxed in this communal atmosphere, like this is the way time should pass for always.

Monday no Funday

Why do Mondays seem to start worse than any other day of the week? I like my job and look forward to getting back to it after the weekends, so it's not a matter of setting myself up for it by dreading it..

Last Monday I returned from Thanksgiving break and our QA inspector pops up just as i sit down to run payroll.

Having QA show up would have been just fine and dandy any other day of the week. It is a phenomenon that puzzles me.

Today, our freezer went out overnight, just in time for our public health inspector to arrive...

Of course, we got through it and did just fine. It was all that much more stressful because it's....Monday.

Weekend Mommy

Sometimes I feel like I only really get to be a real mommy on the weekends and there aren't enough of them.

Weekday mornings, dad takes care of the baby and I am out the door before my teenager has opened his eyes. My days are long and I usually have to stop in the middle of something because "oh look at the time! Daycare closes soon!" My teenager spends the evenings as most teens do...in his room. He'll peak his head out long enough to seek food then he's back to his teen-cave. I spend the evenings over dinner, dishes and packing bags to do it again the next day.

Today is Sunday and as I type, the baby is still asleep in his car seat after today's outing. He's been there for about an hour because if I move him, he will wake early from his nap and spend the rest of the day in cranky irritability...egads!

I'm glad he's still small enough to not care that time together is spent running errands and doing chores. Food still needs to be procured and laundry still needs washing...

Intro

I have reinvented myself many times over. I've been a mom since I was fifteen and recently gave birth to another bouncing baby boy (who is already quite an amazing human being). I'm a hotel manager and I enjoy my job. Spare time is a luxury I don't have in bulk. I spend my days working through guest complaints, employee drama, motivating a teenager as he sighs and rolls his eyes, and spilling my expressed breast milk all over my suit just as an investor walks in the door to tour the property. In between all of the crazy there are amazing moments of teenage smiles, baby gurgles and employees who stop me to say that I've made a difference in their lives. I often find at the end of the week that it has all passed in a blur. Good and bad, I will share it with you as I go.